Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Easy Solutions

Jenny and I were just pondering how we're going to get bro tats with no money to our names, when simultaneously we both responded with the question, "How have neither of us slept with a tattoo artist?"

I don't think this question makes us look like hussies, per se, but merely smart people who sleep with dudes for all the right reasons including getting free shit. Here's my list of people I would like to get the ins with and am willing to sleep with to do so (no hooker).

Tattoo artist. As stated above, this is obviously a key person to get jiggy with. I very rarely have the scrilla to afford tats so end up waiting until Friday the 13th (when they are $13) and getting one while wasted and then I'm like "Oh yes, all my life I've wanted a tattoo on my wrist of a skeleton wearing a fedora." In general I have many lofty tattoo ideas that are all just waiting for the extra money to make them a reality. One even came to me in a dream. Wait for it... a monkey riding a horse bareback! Pure gold.

Chef. Yes please. My ex just recently described me as an official "foodie" which I actually just think is his way of saying that I eat too much pork belly. Imagine if I dated a chef! I would definitely aim high and get with someone who works at an oyster bar. No lowly sandwich shop employees for this gal. Oh wait...

Dude with a car. You know what, it's ridiculous I don't have a boif with at least a car. Sometimes this little lady wants to go to the Renaissance Faire for pirate weekend, mmmkay? Or just this morning Jenny asked me if I wanted to go skeet shooting in a couple of weeks. Where are the hot boys with vehicles?!

Bike shop employee. I actually have this one squared away without ever having had to knock boots with the dude. My room mate works at a bike shop and he is always down to fix whatever tiny problem I have. He's the tits!

Male stewardess. Free flights! I could go to Iceland just for the hell of it.

Doctor. This one is fairly obvious, I suppose, so leave it to me to think of it last. My little bee sting fiasco would've been so easily resolved if I was datin' a doc. Also neither Jenny nor myself have health insurance so our lives would be much easier if we had a dude (that only one of us bones, obvi) that could tell us what over-the-counter medicines cure swine flu or hangovers.

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