Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Awkward Spaces

1. The hallway in front of my office's bathroom. I don't know about you, but nothing's more awkward than coming out from the whiz factory and seeing a coworker waiting to go in right after me. I always get terrifying thoughts of unflushed dingleberries. Total mind fuck.

2. Elevators. Oh yes, because I love being crammed in a box with complete strangers who are undoubtedly full of fart bombs.

3. Subways. I really hate it when I'm sitting in one of the 3 seaters and the middle seat is empty but then some big-bootied lady feels the need to cram herself in there. But I also equally hate it when I accidentally touch someone and they get all pissy from human contact. It's crowded, what do you want me to do! Then there was the time someone slapped my ass. I couldn't figure out who did it cause the train was so packed, but really?

4. Taxis. I actually only hate cabs in cities that are not New York. In every other city (I'm thinking specifically Portland, San Francisco and Las Vegas) they want to find out where you're from and what you do and if you like onions on your In-N-Out Burger. It's invasive! New York cabbies know that you don't a give a fuck about them, and they don't give a fuck about you.

1 comment:

  1. You should ride in a Japanese train and then you'll think of those spacious NY trains where there aren't a crew of cops trying to push you into the car like so much extra clothes in a too-small suitcase. PLUS - cabs in cities not named NY are always needing to be called, and that shit takes like four days before you get your ass picked up. I've been so wasted waiting for a cab in PDX that I ended up walking six miles instead, cursing small town cab systems.