Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Boys Are Guh-Ross

Last night I had dinner with an old coworker of mine who actually laid me off over the summer (well THAT sounds dirty, don't it?). I hated him for a while but now we're back on the mend because, let's face it, I'm too lazy to hold grudges forever. That shit is exhausting.

I did, however, inform him that he needed to pay for dinner. Then we would be even-stevens. Note to impending people that piss me off: I will forgive anything for a free meal. Anyhoot, he acquiesced and then showed up drunk. It was awesome.

Things took a turn for the worse, though, when he emerged from his 3rd trip to the bathroom and said to me, "Shanon, I need to tell you something" as I was going in.

"Oh god," I said, "did you leave me a present in the toilet? That's nasty."

"No no," he laughed, "there are two vases in the corner of the bathroom. I totally peed into one."

And I wonder why I'm not hanging out with the likes of hot mature boys in French pop bands. Every dude I know is a mere drunk-decision away from getting peeing-Calvin tattoed on their ass.

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