Friday, December 18, 2009

Dirty of the Day

The other night, I had some apres work cocktails with my former employer and coworker. I haven't seen them in a solid two years and I forgot how batshit crazy and awesome my old boss, Hamilcar (real name) is. He is fairly racist, told me that he pictured me coming to meet them and weighing 240 pounds (thanks?) and comes off as more than a little gay, as was made apparent by the male hooker that solicited him as we were leaving. He also loves tits, makes statements like, "I'm done with the Puerto Ricans" and slipped a steak knife into my purse one time from a nice place we were eating at, to keep in the office for "protection."

After about three martinis, I started reminiscing about the good old days and was reminded of one of my favorite times with Hamilcar. A few years back, Shanon and I went out with him to the Paramount Hotel where his buddy was the manager. All food and beverages were comped, so of course everyone proceeded to get toe up on espresso martinis and other ridiculous drinks. The night was mostly a blur, except for two things that are clear as a bell:

1. Shanon standing up and yelling "HAMIL JUST STUCK HIS TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT!" I found this hilarious, mostly because it was true.
2. Shortly after, Shanon dropped her phone in the toilet. Then got mad at said phone and threw it down 46th Street.

The Graham Bell is when a guy has sex with a girl doggy style, and then half way through, stops and says he needs to use the bathroom. A friend then sneaks in to switch places with the original guy. After a few minutes of this, the original guy then calls the girl and gets her to pick up while his friend is banging her, and talks to her. On the phone. Hence the Graham Bell, as in Alexander Graham Bell, inventor of the telephone. Compliments of my buddy Christopher Killjoy.

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