Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Last night, in celebration of my boss Jayne's 50th birthday, we went out to dinner at a really nice resto down the street from our office. We took one of our clients with us, who had given Jayne a book called "Dirty Japanese" as a gift. This book is pretty much every pervy thing you ever could possibly need to say to a Japanese schoolgirl (I mean adult of legal age). There is even a whole chapter on farts, my favorite phrase being "I do not know why I relish the smell of my own farts so much."

Our client then stumbled upon the word "queef" and commented on how funny it was they included it, at which point Jayne yelled "Wait, what's a queef?" I was running on at least two martinis at this point, but there was still no way I was about to define that shit to her, so I sat crying with laughter, while Jayne kept repeating her question until finally our copywriter yelled "IT'S A PUSSYFART."

The conversation then turned to other hilarious sex terms that Jayne wasn't familiar with, so we downed martinis while Jayne googled them on her phone and read them out loud. Some highlights included: Rusty Trombone, Superman That Ho, Donkey Punch, Eiffel Tower and Dutch Rudder, but my favorite was when Jayne went, "Who is this Dirty Sanchez person?" I am very much looking forward to the inevitable moment that her ten year old daughter borrows her phone to look something up and asks her Mom what a Mushroom stamp is.

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