Monday, December 14, 2009

Phobias

Shanon mentioned some of her weirdo fears awhile back, but as of late, I have been getting a ton of shit from people about some "Irrational" fears of my own.

Slipping on wet leaves. My Mom always used to warn me about falling on "black ice" in the Wintertime. But what's even scarier than my Mom's racism, is wet leaves. I tend to walk around with my hands in my pockets when it's cold, since gloves don't really do anything for me and I am terrified of stepping on one these slippery assassins and busting my face and/or ass, which leads us to the following phobia.

Knocking out a front tooth. Three friends of mine have done this (Shanon being one, of course) and I can't shake the feeling that I am on deck. Now this is not a good look for girls, but is it me or does being minus one tooth make the dude twice as hot? If you do happen to find yourself out a tooth, what you're supposed to do is have a friend put it in their mouth for transport until you get to the emergency room. This makes sense in theory, but I don't even like sharing toothbrushes with most of my friends, so I would probably just tell them to keep it.

Heights. Don't see how this is a dumb fear at all and people who claim that the thought of plummeting to their death doesn't scare them are lying. Everyone's all, "Don't you want to go skydiving? It's the best thrill ever!" And my answer is no, no I do not. I can get a thrill by driving a car while wearing a blindfold, but you don't see me doing that shit either, which sounds about as logical as jumping the fuck out of an airplane. I'll "live dangerously" the way God intended; shared needles, sex with hookers and Russian roulette.

Chewing gum while riding my bike and choking on it.
Potholes aint no joke in this town and I always imagine hitting one and taking some Hubba Bubba to the windpipe. Or worse, swallowing the gum (shudder).

The dark.
You know what's about 400 times more likely to happen at night then during the day? Anything scary. Them's just facts.


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