Friday, December 11, 2009

Wheels, A Breakdown

Last night Jenny and I had a very serious discussion on how the amount of wheels a dude is riding can change their hotness (for better or for worse). Allow me to elaborate:

1 wheel - You see a guy on a unicycle and you can only think one thing - carnie freak. What kind of person wakes up one day and decides that they want to learn how to ride around on one wheel? Future rapists and clowns, that's who.

2 wheels - It's a scientific fact that any dude on two wheels is instantly hotter. Motorcycles definitely but bicycles especially. I don't think I've ever seen a dude riding down the street that I didn't give the ol' "heh-row" eyes to.

3 wheels - Pedo! Only kids ride that shit. This dude is clearly another victim of hot children.

4 wheels - Yes skater, I will have sex with you. This could also be cars, in which case I will also accept because cars take me to places like Queens so's that I can get dim sum. Last night when we got to 4 wheels, Jenny's immediate response was "tractors, kinda hot." And I said, "or cars maybe." Then she got all quiet and went "oh right."

8 wheels - This means rollerblader, in which case dude better ready to tell his parents that he's a 'mo.

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