Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Christmas Recap, Shannie's Version

It's tits-freezing cold out and I'm attempting to detox and diet for the next two weeks but have already eaten two cookies today. Issues, I has them.

But so! Now that I'm back and depressed as shit allow me to recap the last 2 weeks, beginning with Christmas.

As some of you may or may not know, I spent the holidays with my significant other Jenny (no homo). That's right, I spent 4 days in New Port Richey, Florida, with her and her parents. For those of you wondering what's in New Port Richey, the answer is nothing and lots of white trash.

I saw a father ride bikes with his 8 year old daughter to the gas station to buy cigarettes on Christmas day, then he lit one up as they rode away. To be fair, this observation was made when Jenny and I walked to the same gas station also to buy smokes ...in our matching slippers. When in Rome! Jenny's mom bought us matching dike slippers. That was a fun Christmas present. It was at least better than calling my mom on Christmas only to have her ask what I wanted. I WANT LOVE, MOM!

But I digress. Florida with Jenny's family was very nutty of course. Jenny's parents love to eat microwaved donuts and drink bloody caesars. And by "Jenny's parents" I mean her dad. Speaking of which, I helped Jenny discover the fact that her dad not only smokes pot but also has a stash. We all got stoned then went to sing karaoke at a bar that consisted of 3 other patrons, one of which was a hobo. A few days later Jenny asked me, "Did you touch that hobo's hands? They were like baseball gloves." I looked her dead on and said, "Jenny, there was no way in hell I was ever going to touch that hobo." But she did!

I also decided to cook a meal for the clan as a thanks and proceeded to get wasted by 4:30 after cooking lasagna for 4 hours. Jenny's mom said, "Look at that you're still smiling after 4 hours of cooking, you could be a caterer!" I like how she said caterer and not chef.

We also went and saw Avatar in 3D on Christmas which was seriously the cat's pajamas ...unless you only have one eye, as Jenny's father pointed out. Other than that it was a delightfully long weekend during which we watched about 8 movies. It was my first time seeing a "Christmas Story." No joke!

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