Friday, January 22, 2010

Get Over It, Twins

Shanon just told me a story about how she ran into a set of twins (people, not ta-tas, and is that what you call them? a set? or "pair" maybe. I like "couplet," or "duo" perhaps, but I wish they had some kind of made up way you're supposed to classify them, like how you call geese a "gaggle" and lions a "pride." I would nominate the word "diptych" for this job, since I think it's entirely underused, but it feels a tad queersies.) and she accidentally called one by his brother's name and the mistaken-identity twin got their panties all twisted up about it.

To this I say, hey twins, get the fuck over it already. I have been friends with many a twin(s) in my day and it is high time they gave everyone (excluding their Mothers) a break. After a few drinks, I can barely tell my own friends apart and I usually see double of them and one time, I even hit on a dude I had got bizzy with on more than one occasion, thinking it was a completely different person just because the bar was dark, so pardon me if I can't tell the difference and every so often mistake you for the other person in the world who is IDENTICAL TO YOU.

My advice is, look and/or dress completely different from one another, or perhaps a tattoo of your name, or better yet, your TWIN'S name on your wrist. That might just confuse things even more though. Bottom line is, you guys get to feel each other's pain and have a bond the rest of us who keep all our DNA to ourselves will never know about and when you're in elementary school you swap places on April Fool's Day and everyone thinks it's a riot, so get off my clam about it already.

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