Thursday, January 14, 2010

Shandrogony

I was woken up this morning at 5:30am, by a text from Shanon about how she had been mistaken for a dude by someone at the airport. Twice! She recently got a hair cut and although I have yet to see it in person, our video chat led me to believe it's a little more 'bo then she wanted to go. Normally I would jump at the chance to make fun of her for this, but my reasons for holding back are twofold, 1.I was tired as fuck, Shanon can't seem to get her thoughtsicles around the concept that her being awake doesn't mean that everyone else in her universe is awake also and 2. I totes feel your pain, homegirl! It seems like only yesterday that I myself was roaming the streets of New York, being mistaken for a dude left and right.

When I was 19, I was dating this guy Mike who was extremely attractive and also certifiably crazy. We had been out drinking one night at the bar down the street and made a pit stop at his house when he decided I needed a haircut. Earlier that day, we'd been walking around and passed a chick with a shaved head, which prompted me to comment that I wish I had the hackysacks to shave my head and prompted Mike to start trying to convince me that I should, so in hindsight, I really should have seen this coming. Uh, when he was finished, I looked like I had visited the salon of Edward Scissorhands, if he came down with a case of Parkinson's and then went blind. And thanks to the magic of beer goggles, I was really stoked. All the way up until the next morning.

I should also mention that this was right before Christmas, so I had to go see all my friends and fam with a shaved head and as an added bonus, my boyfriend left a few days later for Italy, for a little over a month, plus it was Wintertime and fucking witch-titty cold out. The look on Shanon's face was indeed priceless though, when I told her to come over cause I had a surprise to show her, then pulled off my ski cap. I think she almost Sinead O' shit her pants.

So what Shannie needs to learn, is how to use this situation to her advantage, as I did. Someone says "Excuse me sir" in a bar? Turn around and then make them feel really bad about it until you score an apology drink or two. Or just go out and try to score in general because you now have access to two previously untapped dating reservoirs: gays and lady-gays and, you know, when in Rome...

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