Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Sassy In Tallahassee

I'm liking this format of me & Shanon's versions of the events that transpired over this holiday and we're gonna keep at it, since both of our memories are selective as a fat kid in a donut shop.

The first stop on our road trip that in hindsight, we probably should have mapped out a little better, was Tallahassee. The plan was to visit three state capitals in three days: Tallahassee, FL, Mobile, AL, and Baton Rouge, LA. What a good plan! Too bad Mobile is not in fact the capital of Alabama, as I was later informed by my friend Drew. So we Irished up our coffees and set our sights and hangovers on Tallahassee.
Ed note: At this point in the trip, it should be noted that Shanon and I came up with the best "Marry/Fuck/Kill" combination ever: I started it off with Patrick Swayze when he takes over Whoopi Goldberg's body in "Ghost." Then Shanon slowly responded, "And Patrick Swayze...and Whoopi Goldberg." Kaboom.

We arrived in Tallahassee around 10:30 that night and I will mention the only three worthwhile things that happened, cuz that place is a dump:

1. We saw a hobo on a sled being pulled along the side of the road by a couple of hobo dogs. Clearly I shook the wrong bum's hand back in New Port Richey, cause this dude was killing it.

2. We got Shanon drunk, dubbed her "The Seeker*" and for the remainder of our trip put her in charge of asking any and everyone we encountered for drugs.
*Shanon practically peed her muu-muu with excitement at being called this, and I think may have actually been the one to suggest it. It's some dorky Harry Potter reference none of us got. Sigh.

3. We woke up and decided we should get some whippits (we were dealing with a case of The Mondays, after all) so around 11am we made a pit stop at an "adult" store to inquire. The girl there was super friendly and helpful and when all four of us approached her and said we had a question, her response was, "Don't worry, I've heard it all" so I'm betting she thought we were going to ask something about double-sided-dills and anal beads with ponytails and orgies and I felt like a total let-down.

Unfortunately there were no whippits to be found, but she gave us a bunch of directions that involved more driving and a Bed Bath & Beyond and seemed like a hassle and I had stopped paying attention by then anyway, since there are much better things to do then listen whilst at a porn store.

So, what did we learn from Tallahassee? To never go back.
Oh yeah, here's the original hobo that we were hanging at the tiki bar karaoke-ing with. I may have shook his hand, but at least I didn't buy him a beer! My Dad did.


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