Thursday, January 7, 2010

Things I Love To Do While Stoned

1. Drink coffee. At the risk of sounding over-dramatic/queer ...drinking coffee after smoking a joint is heaven to me. Every time this happens I love to exclaim, "this is my favorite thing in the world!" at which point Jenny sighs and says she's heard me say this a hundred times. But seriously it's like you're all stoned and mellow, then you get a little energy on but it's a mellow energy, then maybe you poop - everyone wins!

2. Take a shower. It's like being under a hot waterfall! I end up just standing there and zoning out (p.s. yes I just took a stoned shower). My only word of caution for this combo is to make absolutely no attempts to shave your legs. You'll thank me later.

3. Clean. Crazy, I know! But once you've got weed combo #1 going on just point me in the direction of a messy room and I'll clean that shit UP. People think this whole cleaning deal is meth head territory but they've got it all wrong. Meth heads end up making a bigger mess in the end because they'll start cleaning a room and then suddenly they decide to make a collage out of their collection of Rolling Stones from the 90s or draw tiny little squares and circles for 3 hours. Just trust me on this one.

4. Go grocery shopping. Fuck. Yes.

5. Make a mix. Hey, Jenny! You know that mix you asked me to make for you 2 months ago? I'm still working on that shit gurl, it's gonna be tight! What can I say, weed turns me into a perfectionist.

6. Pilates. No but really. I did this the other night in Baton Rouge while everyone else was out with the college kids. It's like that line from 30 Rock, working out while stoned is "good weird," just like going to the gym drunk. When stoned I was all, "Superman? T-Stand? Downward dog? Fuhget about it!"

7. Watch any of the following - Freaks and Geeks, Arrested Development, My So-Called Life, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, I Love You Man. "I will see you there or I will see you another time."


  1. Sounds like we would be friends. "See ya later jobin."

  2. you know what I like to do when I'm stoned? not act like a faggot

  3. You're so right at about the coffee weed combo! Stoned visits to my favorite cafe are the best

  4. chris, if you could read you'd notice this was posted by a girl. And I agree with all of it!! haha I spend like 2 hours at the grocery store when i'm high.

  5. Ha! Me too, Phil. fuck you, Chris.

  6. basically this list is just confirming that every activity is waaay better while high

  7. But I think you've leave out a really nice one... Sex! Don't get me wrong... I love to do almost all the things you said while stoned, but come one! Sex? THAT didn't make the list? Why?

  8. I'm in complete agreeance with all of these as well as Juliana up here's ^ comment! Sex is just awesome stoned.

  9. "Chris said...

    you know what I like to do when I'm stoned? not act like a faggot
    March 14, 2011 10:51 PM "

    I am pretty sure the person that wrote this article is a chick........either way you are a prick.

  10. agreed! Chris is a prick, Juliana is totally right, and I do love a good iced latte with a morning spliff, summer on the front porch. living in a city where that's safe is nice too.
    but grocery shopping is dangerous for me, as I'm sure some of you have found, while stoned.

  11. Protip on #2: Bring a bong into the shower with you. Jamaican showers are the best way to wake and bake :P

  12. Shit, i'm in Baton Rouge too, lets burn one sometime =P

  13. Things I love to do stoned:
    1)month long leisurely canoe trips, last trip was the 1000 Islands/St. Lawrence Seaway
    2)create a Flamenco Waltz on my bass guitar for one woman, for one night, for one memory.
    3)carve oriental style hair combs and other wooden things
    4)contemplate and construct philosophical sayings such as "Ans, still not, ever in a day, life is"~by me.
    5)create meals such as bizarro-yet-delicious barbecued spaghetti and coco-ramen

  14. Ok, here are my favorites:

    1. Watch obscene amounts of episodes of the same show while drinking obscene amount of coffee. Truly, I slaughter that shit.

    2. Watch pineapple express. That movie is everything I need when i'm stoned.

    3. Gardening. Yeah, besides being a grower and a smoker of weed I also grow everything from flowers to herbs and veggies. It just feels so damn good to get your hands dirty.

    4. Eating ice cream. I wish I was the ice cream for the amount of tounge it's getting.

    5. Playing with cats. How that one piece of string could bring so much fucking awesomeness is beyond me. Also, my cat is a ninja, so that helps.

  15. This comment has been removed by the author.