Friday, February 5, 2010

Irish Goodbyes

We've all been guilty of this before, right. Sometimes saying goodbyes to everrrrryone at the bar/party/stripclub feels like a whole lot of work and hassle, so you just dip out and go home to eat drunken shame snacks in your underpants, as I did last Saturday night. Not everyone is qualified to pull this move off though and it is pretty much guaranteed to P.O. your friends, so here are some helpful pointers:

- Be really good at being drunk. My drunk autopilot sometimes even amazes myself. Only my very besties can tell when I'm secretly black out drunk and I even fool them sometimes. You have to be able to take care of yourself, get into a cab and make it home alone, with all of your shoes and teeth intact, thus proving to your friends that all those angry where are you texts and calls are not needed.

- Don't try and make an excuse, like you were just too drunk or you need to make a drug or skrilla run.  One time, Gandy told told us he was going to the ATM then when we left about 15 minutes later, our cab drove past a McDonald's a few blocks down the street and guess who was in the front window, making sweet love to a Fillet-O-Fish. That was just too priceless for us to stay mad at him, but generally the only acceptable excuse for bouncing is a bootycall and thats's only if you're single and therefore not getting sexed on the regs. Any other excuses made before splitting means your friends will begin to not even let you go to the bathroom unattended, for fear you will Houdini them.

- Practice, practice, practice.  If you do it enough, people will eventually come to expect it from you, as we now do with Gandy, who is so notorious for the Irish Goodbye that I am shocked if I get a proper farewell hug/ass slap.

1 comment:

  1. If you want to be making moves on the street, allow nothing to be in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.