Monday, February 8, 2010

Scary Monsters - A Boning Breakdown

Jenny and I love to blog about monsters but they're just so fascinating, no? Here goes another musing on monsters - the order in which I would bone down with them.

1. Vampires. Duh squared. Vampires are hot these days, but I would still only bone Gary Oldman dracula (when he's hot, not when he's all Mr. Burns giant head).

2. Werewolves. This is ok, see, because they're only gnarly 12 nights out of the year. Plus they're usually burly and hairy the rest of the time. Manly men, in other words. Non of these skinny jeans, wears fancier shoes than I do type dudes. I like to think of the Polish Super in my office building as being what a werewolf looks like when he's not "changed."

3. Mermen. Heh row.

4. Frankenstein. He just wants to be loved, no?

5. Centaurs. They're so sexy and angry! But on second thought, I don't think I could get down with that. Maybe if I was drugged up on some kind of magical potion that made me forgot I was technically boning a horse. Wait I totally just grossed myself out.

6. Minotaurs. This animal / man combo is more to my liking but still freaky deaky. Hot body with the head of a bull? This is like a sexual fantasy rape dream. Have I gone too far?

7. Yeti (aka Abominable Snowman, aka Bigfoot). I'm on the fence about this one. That's all I have to say about it.

8. Leprechauns. I like short dudes but NO WAY. This would be akin to boning that doll Chucky.

9. Zombies. Hell nah girlfriend, he gonna eat you!

10. Mummies. I like the fact that they can't talk, but I'm gonna say no due to the rotting flesh.

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