Thursday, February 25, 2010

Shit I'm Too Lazy For

There are many things I boycott in this world, mainly eating establishments or people that I feel have wronged me in some way. The trouble with my personal boycotts, is that I am extremely lazy, which makes it hard for me to stick to them. Sure, I could walk another block to the other salad place or make a new friend with benefits, but then I start to think about how much more work and effort that would take and I'm like you know, the salads are pretty good at that closer place, and making new friends? Ehh, who's got time for that. So I wind up giving that deli/shitty friend another chance and maybe for a little while they will make glorious salads and help me fix my bike, but I know that in the end, I will end up paying somehow, whether it's an extra $1.50 for tofu or it's shame sex. Vicious circle.

Man, this snow is making me delirious. Bottom line is, laziness makes me do a lot of things I don't want to. But it can't make me do this stuff.

Wash the shower curtain. Getting it off the bajillion little rings it's hung on and then putting it all back on again? By the end of that whole ordeal my arms are hurty and I usually decide to forgo showers altogether so I don't have to deal with that business anymore and decide I'm going to be a "bath person" from here on out. Then I remember that baths are time-consuming, kinda gross and only fun if there's another person in the tub with you, preferably one you're hittin' the skins with.

Sell shit on Ebay.
Oh Ebay, you deceitful bitch. I really don't buy a whole lot of stuff on Ebay, mainly because I don't like waiting, I'm more of an instant gratification girl and also because I am so bad at remembering to bid. I always watch something I want and (to my brain) am like don't forget to bid on those boots Jenny, then I get a reminder email from Ebay that says "Don't miss out on bla bla bal" and I'm all "Thanks Dad, but I really don't need a reminder, pretty sure I won't forget to bid on that Bart Simpson t-shirt, uh maybe cause it's fucking awesome" and I roll my eyes and delete it. What happens next is I forget to bid. It always goes for like a nickel more then my starting offer too. So imagine that, then picture me actually listing an item, checking it, and going to the post office and waiting in line to mail that jaunt? Yeah, I don't see that shit happening in this lifetime either.

Simple repairs.
I'm talking things that would take me about one minute to fix. My doorknob, for instance. That shit refuses to stay on and every time I make it do its one job (close the door) it jumps ship and tries to make a break down the hallway. It fell off again about a week ago when my friend left and I heard it hit the ground. No way was I getting up to fix that business, so it has stayed half broken until I had friends over Tuesday and jammed it back together. Now we play the waiting game. Someone will eventually come over and accidentally break it (preferably a handy dude) and I'll score a guilt-fix out of it. Yes, this is really how my mind operates.

Trade in my sack of change for actual money.
Apparently, I do not enjoy free money. My friend Eric gave me a giant cup of change he had been collecting when his company moved out of our office, as a present since he knows I am a poor hobo and it was really nice of him and I was super stoked. That was one year and two months ago. Sorry Eric, you're my boy, but walking that sack of change five whole blocks to the bank? Where I will probably have to talk to "tellers" and then most likely spend my new skrilla on frappaccinos on the way back to my office anyways? This is why it is still sitting in a plastic bag next to my desk. At this point, I'm just testing morals of the weekend cleaning crew.

1 comment:

  1. Grab a pillow sack and a friend and get you to a coin star! I'll help you in exchange for one free shot.

    ReplyDelete