Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Like Peas & Carrots

When you were a kid and you used to mix up gross food and bevs and dare/force your friends/sibling to eat it, remember how every once in awhile, the "potions" (as we called them) would defy all logic and actually be not that bad? It was great because then you could turn the tables and gross everyone out, while at the same time looking and acting like that shit don't phase you and maybe even come up with a new dietary staple. These things I like remind me of that.

Pickle Juice & Whiskey. A "Pickleback," if you will. Last weekend, I was at a bar with a friend of mine and convinced him to knock back a couple of these with me. It took awhile to sell him on the idea, since he thought I was fucking with him, but then he agreed that these are in fact, delicious. God bless whatever mad scientist came up with this ingenious way to follow up the shots of garbage pail whiskey I heart so much. My Mom also told me one time that she saw on Dr.Oprah or something that pickle juice was a cure for hangovers, so I feel like I'm really multi-tasking when I do Picklebacks.

Peanut Butter & Chili.
My Dad "invented" this and you may have felt like throwing up a little bit when you read that, but don't! You're just gonna have to trust me on this one. Get some bread, spread some Jif on that shit and dip into your chili. The real reason I think I like this so much is maybe because when we were little and my Mom was away, my Dad's cooking consisted of this or corned beef & cabbage. You would be siked on a pb & chili sammie too, my friend.

Beer & Tomato Juice.
Another mix that sounds crazy but is actually crazy delicious. I was introduced to this by a bartender/former contestant on ANTM who was drinking these alone while looking through a dinosaur book and consulting my friend & me about what dino-tat she should get next, so you can understand how when she recommended this, my first thought was yeah right, bitch is nuts. Then I remembered that I rooted for her when she was on Top Model and that show rules. And so does beer & tomato juice.

Soda & Milk. Or Sodamilk, as my Mom called it. This was just a sneaky Mom-tactic to get us to shut up and drink milk with our dinners when all we wanted to do was get jacked up on Coke (a-cola).

Home-made Juice.
I am not a "juice person" per se, which I am always getting shit about for some reason, especially by my friend with a juicer. He is always trying to force me to drink his weird juice concoctions, which I begrudgingly do and they are admittedly pretty good, but what I don't understand is how. Mixing together random fruits & veggies, most of which I don't like on their own, and depending on a robot to make sure I don't swallow any seeds, then adding weird Chinese ingredients like Ginger or Tiger Semen and telling me it will make me live to be one hundred? Juice. I don't get it.

Ranch & Most Things. Ranch has the mysterious ability to make almost any food taste better, what doesn't it go with? Fruit? Tomatoes are technically fruits though and it goes with them. If there was a competition for slutty condiments, Ranch would take the gold medal in the Ho-lympics. But don't think Ketchup is gonna go down without a fight.


  1. Silly rabbit, gifts aren't for ghosts...

  2. Ranch + +Ketchup + French Fries= Kranch Fries. mmmmmmmm

  3. God, sodamilk was the worst thing ever. Mom was retarded to think that was a good idea. Makes me want to vomit thinking about it.