Friday, March 26, 2010

Overboard

Few things make me angry in this world. Ahh who am I kidding, most things make me angry in this world, off the top of my head: lines, people who ask you if the elevator is going up or down (because  there's not universally known arrow buttons to tell them that or anything), pronouncing ketchup "catsup", the weather, people who do things slower than me, Spanish music I can hear coming from people's headphones while riding the train - tell me something - do Hispanics have worse hearing than everyone else? Sometimes I don't even want to listen to my iPod on the train, but I have to in order to drown out the fucking Cucaracha coming from the dude three feet away (Friday Racicisms, yaaaay).

But what's really crumbling my cookies today, is that I heard Hollywood is remaking one of my favorite(ish) movies, "Overboard." This is a movie that I feel needs no remake; loveable Goldie Hawn at her best, Kurt Russell looking as fine if not finer than he did in "Big Trouble In Little China" and the little kid from "Big" is in it and I don't own it, but I will watch the shit out of it where and whenever it comes on TV.

You would think that Kate Hudson would be the obvi choice to play the new Joanna, seeing as Goldie is her Mom and Kurt is more or less her Stepdad that I wouldn't mind getting sexy with, but you would be wrong.  J. Lo is slated to play the lead. Fucking J. Lo. Can someone make an electric fence for singers who want to be actors and vice versa, like a collar they could wear that would shock J. Lo or Madonna whenever they went to audition for roles like this or will zap actresses when they try and pull into the recording studio parking lot. I'm so tired of this Anaconda-assed bitch ruining my life by sharing my name and forcing me to poke my own eyes out with a blunt pencil rather than be subjected to photos of her burn-victim/drowned-chihuahua-vampire husband and their bajillionaire babies.

My next post will be more positive and less racially-challenged, swearsies.

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