Friday, April 30, 2010


Remember that game "Burgertime"? I played that in a bar and it was the most fun I think I have ever had.  The halcyon days, they were.  They need to make a game called "Bonertime" where you control a cock n balls that runs around and has to avoid being trapped in various snooches.  It would be awesome.

I'd like to confess that I have never had a boner for a dude (that I knew was a dude anyway - Thai ladyboys don't count) however, if I close my eyes and use the magic of my imagination, perhaps, since it is Freaky Friday after all, I can slip into a world of yeast infections and accidental pregnancies to visualize for which wangs the the boner bones.  It boners for thee!  Wait, no, not you.  You.  Onto the bonering!

1.  Sean Connery - yes, he's old, but when you are that damn sexy it stays with you like toenail fungus.  Double-oh-seven? More like double-oh-fourteen.  INCHES. 

2. Jason Statham - maybe it's because I also am an incredibly good looking balding man with rock hard abs, but Jason Statham is a solid boner inducer.  I likes em gruff, I do!  Dude has a voice like a truck rolling across gravel.

3. Johnny Depp - it would be like boning a different eccentric, yet attractive weirdo every night!  Plus, you know he has low standards for beauty and you could probably hit that with a few shots of Jager. Don't believe me? Look at his snagglepuss wife.

4. Optimus Prime - what, I can't fuck a robot?  That's not what every Japanese man believes, and I consider myself to have a globally sensitive mind.  Ever said "I feel like I just got fucked by a truck?" Well BAM! You just did, little lady.

5. Brock Sampson - if you don't watch "The Venture Bros." on Cartoon Network, you either A: Are a dirty fucking douchebag hipster who takes pride in not owning a TV, like a royal cunt, or B: Are someone with no sense of humor who probably eats babies.  Brock Sampson could fart and you'd have the best orgasm of your life.

FYI, this Excedrin is not helping. 

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