Last night took a turn for the hilarious when we decided to cheer on our buddy Andy, who got roped into speed-dating at a bar our friends were dj'ing at. And it was adorable! He obviously had to get super drunk first because let's face it, sober dating is the pits, which resulted in him beginning his first date by stroking the hideous poncho/drug-rug thing the chick was wearing and saying, "I like your Injun garb." She got all "I'm Native American and I'm offended bla bla bla" (sigh, girls are the worst, right) so I offered him a less racially charged question to pose to the ladies: If you could pick any cartoon dog to own, which one would it be? (This is the kind of important stuff I think about) The ladies loved it.
My picks are as follows:
Snoopy - Might be worth it for that really cute Snoopydance he does. But the rest of the time, is it me or is Snoop kind of a bitchy gay?
Odie - Who the fuck wants Odie? That dog is dumb as rocks.
Scooby - Dog just wants to blaze! Jah!
Goofy - Wait, Goofy isn't really a dog, he's like a man-dog hybrid. And why can Goofy talk but Pluto can't? Come to think of it, Pluto is the only one who doesn't talk...I googled this and found an excellent answer:"Because Pluto is Mickey's pet. If Pluto could talk that would make him like a person and for Mickey to own a "person" would be like slavery wouldn't it?" T'would.
Pluto - My conclusion is that Mickey likes to bone down doggystyle with the Plutes and then pays him hush money.
Brian from "Family Guy" - I totally forgot about Brian, until some girl gave that to Andy as her answer (I told him he should go out with her). He rules, hands down.
The Tramp - I feel like the Tramp would run away or always be out nailing other bitches around the neighborhood, but hey, chicks love assholes.
Marmaduke - This dog is unfunny, a snooze, and imagine the turd mountains you would have to clean up? There are few things I find more gross than picking up dog nuggets, how are people not bothered by this? A couple years ago, I was walking my parents dogs with them and my Dad picked up the dog's shit, then proceeded to swing the bag and hit me in the back with it. I was really not siked on this and was like what the fuck is wrong with you and he was like what it's in a bag who cares, you're over-reacting and I was like no, fuck that, you just hit me with a sack of shit. Yup. That was Christmas.