Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Dream Boning

We all have sexy dreams about people we'd rather not, right. Well, last night I dream-boned, if you will, that I got busy with a short dude. In the back of a mini van. He had that blurry dream face that people get in slumberland, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it was a short friend of Shanon's. That she had boned before. Menage-a-weird.

Dream boning is a double edged sword, usually the REM sex is great so you wake up all heh-row, but then you slowly start to remember who you were getting your sleep rocks off with and stop feeling like it's a good morning and start getting all oh my god why did I just get diz-nirty with the chubby, married Chinese IT computer guy (true story). It's not so bad when this happens to people from the TV, as was Shanon's case whence she dream porked Horatio Sans from SNL (shudder) but when it happens with someone like your IT guy and he comes to "service your inbox," things can get a tad awkwardsies. What's even better is that the other person has no idea what's going on, so they're just trying to go about their job while you sit at your desk giving them freaked out looks and trying to avoid eye contact at the same time.

And oh, here's something that I'm guessing not many ladies can lay (heh) claim to; boning a dude whilst he is asleep. One time, this dude I used to date completely fell asleep mid-bone and real talk, I didn't even notice until he started snoring and then I was all hey now! So many emotions; insulted, confused, oddly turned on and dare I say impressed, all at once. It's fairly easily for chicks to catch a few sleep zzz's, but for a guy to do this, well my hat is off to you, sir.

One day I hope to figure out the secret to successful dream boffs, but until then I will stick to my regimen of Sawyer and/or Jack episodes of Lost before bed (no Hugo*).

*I originally thought t'was Hugo Shanon boned, Horatio, Hugo, potato, po-tat-oh.

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