Thursday, April 29, 2010

Last Requests

Sometimes when Shanon or myself are drunk and making our way home solo, we get scurred by desolate subways or nutty cab drivers and so text each other our last requests or bequeath items of value to one another, like...my wood-burning pen? Space Ghost DVDs? I have few things of worth. Come to think of it, what I should do is have a list at the ready of stuff I need her to destroy, like incriminating photos or my middle school diary or cartoon porn collection.

I told Shanon that if I go first, I'd like her to put me on a bar stool at Max Fish and have a drink with me. She in turn called me morbid, but you know what, after about four whiskey shots or so, I bet she'd probably want to split from there and drag me around to a bunch of different bars with her, so it would end up like any other Friday night. Weekend At Jenny's! Only instead of dancing to Caribbean music I will come back to life and take shots when Lady Gaga is played. Which I guess would technically make it Weekend At Jenny's 2.

Real talk though, looking at dead bodies is some freaky-deaky shit and I don't want to subject my friends to that, so instead I think I would like to be cremated and then have my ashes packaged into some form of confetti or shot out of a canon alongside a midget, over the Williamsburg Bridge. Said friends can all watch at a park nearby, whilst getting drunk on "The Jenny" (Georgi vodka and flat soda water) and can pour some out into the East River for me and reminisce until everyone's good and drunk enough to get a tattoo of my face somewhere on their body. Preferably above the waist, but at that point I guess I will be in no position to give a fuck, amiright?

Shanon mentioned that Gandy called dibs on her books and was perplexed by this (haha, our friends can't "read") and I said duh, Harry Potter, what do you think he's after your World War Two history novels or your Jayne Austin criterion collection? I am much more logical though and told Shanon she could have any of my possessions that end in the letter "W." She almost had an annuerism trying to come up with things, so I upgraded her to the letter "T," which sedated her. This is a great way to divvy up stuff as well as keeping your friends on your good side, lest you shaft them with "Q" or "X" or some shit. Wait, this whole post is moot, since I plan on living forever once science gets their shit together.

1 comment:

  1. Here is the text I received from Shanon about her last will and testament, just so it's out there.

    "If I don't make it home, make sure my mee maw gets what money I have. You can divvy up my other shit." To which I replied, "LOL like any of us have money, hahaha. I get ur books and records." Then Shanon said, "Hahaha word you get that shit. My noni gets my commissions for my college loans. Is cool I think ill live but yeah save this text for future. Last will and fuck."

    So there you have it Jenny (and everyone else), I get books and records, you can have her VHS box set of 'Pride and Prejudice.'

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