Monday, April 12, 2010


This past Saturday was Gandy's fourth annual birthday scavenger hunt and as always, did not disappoint. Our friend Jacquie rules and always makes up the list of things to hunt for/take pics of, and it usually involves some degree of nudity and more than a little drinking. This year it was Easter themed, titled "Well-Hung," and the birthday boy specifically requested "extra drinking." Amen.

Gandy and I have had a longstanding scavenger feud, ever since we competed against each other in a hunt a few years back and his team narrowly defeated my own. But this year, for the first time ever, we decided to join forces, or as Shanon put it, they "welcomed me to the dark side." I quickly found out this consisted of sitting at bars and googling shit on his phone. Meh, when in Gay-Rome!

It started with an easter egg hunt at Welcome to the Johnsons, a bar we are no strangers to, with no explanation why, since it consistently smells like a donkey's nutsack in there. The deal was, find an egg, get a shot, ten were hidden in total. We found eight.

One of the items was all team members in the back of a pickup truck, which led to my favorite part of the day; Gandy splitting his pants while climbing out of said truck. This was maybe 3:00pm and so he spent the remainder of the day airing out his dong in some blown out jeans.

After coming in dead last in the challenge (taking a humungo shot of peach schnapps and then doing the flexed-arm-hanging "For Our Sins" as long as possible) we did the next logical thing and went to the bar Shanon's co-worker was tending. Patron shots? We'll take two and a round of bloody marys, sir. Then I shared a tofu pup with a stranger. Check out the pervy finger caress he's giving my knuckles!

Aunt Jackie from "Roseanne"? Check!

Okay, I really saw her on Friday night, at a theatrical comedic performance of "Saved By The Bell" and "Full House" ( I know, WHAT) and was so excited because this is Shanon's favorite show, you see, that I almost asked for my picture with her so I could make Shan super jealous, but I pussed out and had to make do with this creepy window stalker shot instead.

Shit got weird in a church. I don't think I've been in a church for fifteen plus years, I find them creepy and it's even weirder when you're with a drunk red-head who is wandering around asking nuns where we can get a priest.

And we got second place! Since I am the only team member who remembers winning thirty bones, I'm extra glad I made the executive decision to spend it on scratch off lotto tickets and beer. Around 8:30, we packed up our supplies and headed to Gandy's house for some quality Guitar Hero time. And oh, look! There's Shanon and our fourth team member, who decided to take a nap on the bathroom floor. We gave up trying to move her and opted instead to take turns peeing over her. When in Gay-Rome...

She's lucky we all have good aim. But yes, scavenger hunts rule, I would do one every month if my liver wasn't praying for death right now.


  1. what the what! we won 30 bucks?!?! oh wait, you just made me remember trying to do a scratch-off but giving up cause it was too hard (both to do and to see the letters). man.

  2. they are called CASHWORDS. and you're welcome.