Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Ssssecrets

First of all, I fully intend to continue my music column (so shut it, Jenny) but before I do I'd like to contribute my own secret and really get this train rolling full steam ahead. So to speak.

My secret? Very few people know this but the last time I pissed the bed - and I mean for real pissed, without the assistance of booze - was when I was 16 years old. That's right. Six. Teen.

In Fiji they have this crop called Kava. Apparently when you make it into a tea and drink large quantities of it you start to go all numb like you're on cocaine. How interesting, you say? Not really. I was in Australia doing some hippie hiking trip (seriously I didn't wear shoes for over a month) and our guides made us drink this shit one night. They put a ton of it in a tube sock, soaked it for a while and made me us chug-a-lug. I literally had 14 cups of gross sock-water. I didn't feel the effects so I said fuck this shit and went to bed. While sleeping I had a dream that I was swimming in a river with one of the girls on the trip. I said to her that I needed to pee and she told me to just go in the river. "You can do that?!" dream-Shanon said. Next thing I know I'm pissing in my sleeping bag. You know what else? I had to sleep in that pee-bag for another week.

What NOBODY knows is that a few weeks after I got home, I pissed the bed again for no reason other than I probably secretly loved it.

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