Thursday, April 8, 2010

Street Shopping

While walking to get my lunch yesterday, I passed a table of sheets for sale with what I presumed to be a high thread count (I know little about domesticated matters, you see) set up on the sidewalk for around twenty bones a pop. I was about to stop and scoop some because daaayum, sheets are 'spensive! But then I started questioning why they were so cheap and what truck these sheets had fallen off of and did that truck have a case of the bedbugs or the hiv and so I talked myself straight out of purchasing any street sheets.

Here's some street purchases I agree and or disagree with.

Bootleg DVDs. Proceed with caution on these guys because they can go either way. Usually they're totally worth the $3.00, but I have still never really seen "Wedding Crashers" due to the stupid people who actually paid to see the movie in the theater laughing at all the jokes and ruining my bootleg sound. I do love the adorable little Chinese women that sell them, and their uncanny ability to pop up any and everywhere with DVDs. I was at an Irish bar way the fuck out in Rockaway Beach and one appeared out from under the table I think with a handful of bootleg Wall-E's. We were all too amazed by her teleporting abilities to buy any though.

Fruit. The fruit on fruit carts always looks much better than it tastes. Please note that the opposite is true about Nuts for Nuts carts.

Sunglasses/scarves. Everybody gotta have at least one of each of these. What's funniest is when the vendor tries to convince you they're the real deal and the Burberry scarf you're purchasing for $12 is legit.

Cats/dogs. Sneaky pet adoption people, always setting up shop in Union Square with your adorable baby animals! I haven't taken one home yet, since I can barely take care of my plants at the mo, but when I was in high school I did try to buy a baby "pedigree" pitbull from a dude on South Street in Philly. Made the mistake of calling my Mom and informing her of the plan and she told me in no uncertain terms that I would be locked out of the house if i attempted to bring a pitbull in with me. Moms. They think they're so smart.

Hot dogs. I'm a weenie vegetarian and so don't partake in this one, but a friend of mine told me about when he was depressed a few years back and got pretty chubs. He said it was mainly because every time he walked past a hot dog cart, he would say to himself, "It's okay to have a hot dog" and eat one. There are a lot of hot dog carts in this town and now every time I walk by one, I say to myself "It's okay" then picture my buddy all fat and sad and eating hot dogs, and laugh and laugh.

Hookers! JK. I haven't paid for sex in years, jerks.

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