Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The 7 Stages of The Hangover

M'lady and I had quite the boozie Sunday which included proseco, champagne, wine, beer, lobster rolls, too much weed, bacon maple cupcakes, homemade ice cream and a teepee. It was pretty amazing. I pulled an Irish goodbye around 10pm and had the cab drop me off in front of my local pizza joint only to be pissed that they were closed. Then I remembered that I had 5 slices of leftover Fornino's pizza and drunkenly ate ALL OF THEM. My room mate watched me do this and I would be surprised if I didn't disgust her at least a little.

Anyway, yesterday was rough. An ichat convo with Jenny pretty much summed up where we were both at.

Hangover's are so tricksy! Here's are the main stages (written while hungover, ba-zing!).

1. Shock & Denial. Or as I like to call it, "Still Drunk." You wake up feeling glorious and well rested, with the ridiculous notion that perhaps you've finally beaten The Dreaded Hangover. You sucker! The worst is yet to come.

2. Pain & Guilt. You're sitting in a meeting at work. Your eyes are bloodshot, your face is on fire and you could potentially puke at any moment. You feel like used donkey balls! Suddenly doing all those shots on a Sunday night while watching HBO's The Pacific doesn't seem like the smartest decision you've ever made.

3. Anger & Bargaining. Why did you do this to yourself! You're so stupid! But maybe if you eat a shit-ton of bacon and some kind of asian dish with greasy noodles you will feel better. Maybe?

4. Depression & Relection. Le Sigh. You're 28 and still hittin the sauce like a 16 year old. You're semi-pathetic and maybe this is why you will never make enough money to buy a house or a pet sloth (Jenny wants one). I mean, think about it, you've been wikipediaing Radiohead songs all day to find out how they wrote "Spinning Plates" (ITS ANOTHER SONG THEY WROTE, BUT IN REVERSE). So sure, you're learning important things, but have you actually gotten any work done today? Something that will pay your bills?

5. The Upward Turn. ZOMG all the food you're eating is so delicious! You've eaten 3 meals and it's not even 1pm but who gives a cat's ass because everything tastes amazing and you want to eat it all.

6. Reconstruction & Working Through. Things are looking up so you see if anyone wants to hang out or go so a movie. Take that, hangover! You can still function, you're not a complete waste.

7. Acceptance & Hope. Ok, so you're actually pooped out and really want to go home and sleep, but it's cool bebe, you made it and can move on.


  1. i'm more grossed out by your scary red asian spots. Mama was nervous when your door was still closed this morning.

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