Thursday, May 13, 2010


Of all the people that have no business being on facebook, Moms might be at the top of the list. Shanon sent me this comment she saw on one of her client's facebook pages, from his Mom:

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. When you were born, I saw your face and I knew I was in love. Before you were an hour old, I knew I would die for you. To this day, I will. Mother's day isn't about giving me anything, it's celebrating all that you already have!!"

This is the equivalent of Mom leaving you a note in your elementary school lunch bag and guess what, it makes me want to give you a noogie and steal your Twinkies just as much now as it did back then. Old Moms always leave comments like this. Yeah, they're supposed to be "sweet" & "endearing," but how an I supposed to leave a comment like "I can't believe you pooped on Andy's skylight last night" right below a heart-warming piece of Mom-poetry like that? One time my friend was being a vagina and so I commented as much on his facewall. His Mom (who I have known forever) commented right below mine.  This is why whenever my Mom asks about facebook I make it look really high-tech and complicated, since the only thing worse than having to block your own Mom would be giving her lessons.

You're probably thinking but what about cool hip young Moms? Well they are even WORSE, because all they do is put picture after picture after picture up of their brand new baby and change their status update every time it farts. Why would you want to put all those pics of your baby up anyways, I feel like that's en open invitation for some Hand That Rocks The Cradle shit to go down. I fucking love that movie.

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