Thursday, May 20, 2010

My Favorite Rapper

Skee-Lo! Whenever I start wishing for shit I don't have that seems reasonable enough, the jam "I Wish" by Skee-Lo always pops into my head. I love listening to the raps as much as any other suburb-raised middle class white girl, but Jay-Z and Kanye's world is not my own, not even Eminem's. Skee-Lo rhymes about real-talk shit I can relate to. He doesn't wish for diamonds or an indoor bowling alley or even a yacht. He's not using hip-hop as a fuck you to everyone who put him down, he's saying Hey, I'm okay with most of the cards I been dealt, but I'm also not asking for a whole lot here, just for a date with a non-hood rat, seriously.
The moral of this story is don't reach for them stars like Biggie - aim low! Skee-Lo. 

Here's the video, which is awesome and "Forest Gump" themed, for reasons unbeknownst to me. Then I dissected some choice lines, just 'cuz.


I wish I was little bit taller,  
Yeah me too, then I could probs double my daily cookie intake and not worry about being a Fatty McGee. Who wouldn't like to be taller? Tyra Banks, maybe. Inn real life she is a terrifying giant. 

I wish I was a baller
Duh. I dunno what I want more; to be or to bone Allen Iverson.
 
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
Mmm not sure what he 's going for here, but I'd rather this line be stuck in my head than this one by the Alkaholiks I can't fucking shake: 
I got bitties, in all the major cities
The safest way to have sex is right between her titties
WHO LIKES TITTY-FUCKING?? No one. Waste of my time and yours. Anyway.

and a '64 Impala
Here is the car Skee-Lo wants:

And here is the car Jay-Z drove in his "Lost Ones" video:
This wasn't even a real car you could buy at the time, it was a CONCEPT car that looks like the fucking batmobile.

Dag y'all! I never understood
Why the jocks get the fly girls
And me I get the hood rats
Hahaha. Hood rats. 
 
I tell 'em scat, skittle, skibobble
Got hit with a bottle
One time I told a hood rat to skibobble and she winged a glass across the room at me that shattered on my arm.

I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Truth, only everybody knows your name in this incestuous town. It's like "Cheers" with less Sam & Diane and more Chlamydia.

Hey, I wish I had my way
'Cause everyday would be a Friday
You could even speed on the highway
This line is great, fuckit, every day SHOULD be Friday and let's eat candy for dinner and jump on the bed and never brush our teeth again! Yeah.
 
I would play ghetto games
Name my kids ghetto names
Little Mookie, Big Al, Lorraine
Little Mookie!! And is Lorraine a "ghetto name"? That's like the name of someone's Aunt.

So if you're down on your luck
Then you should know just how I feel

Like a fart in a hurricane. Useless.

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