Friday, May 21, 2010


I care not for going to the movies. People get so bent out of shape when I tell them this, it's like saying I raped an orphanage when it's really no big deal. Last weekend I met a dude who shared my view on this and we were so stoked to have found our brethren that I think we hugged and high-fived.

It's not that I don't like movies, because I do. I love movies! What's better than movies (TV)? I simply prefer watching them at someone's houses or in a park or on a plane. And when people say, "But you have to see it on the big screen!" I say the damn I do, unless that bitch is in 3-D and I'm gonna see some dragons or blue Avatar ninjas flying at my face, I'm more than down with the viewing experience my own couch and TV provides.

Right off the bat, going to the movies involves two things I am terrible at: planning ahead and waiting in lines. I don't like to buy advance tickets, for fear of missing the show due to unavoidable circumstances like a bike accident or happy hour. The alternative is waiting in lines and Shanon has expressed what that's like. Then after you get tickets you still never know how crowded that shit's gonna be and then maybe you get split up from your friends and have to sit by yourself and just end up thinking I'm so glad I paid $12.50 to experience this with a bunch of strangers.

I also enjoy drinking during movies and have no trouble sneaking in booze, but will inevitably have to take a leak(s) at some point, which involves a whole lot of annoying excuse me'ing and deciding whether to squeeze by ass or bush first. Or the other thing that happens is I get far too drunk and don't remember the movie at all. Then I wind up renting it again anyways, so why not just cut out the middle man. I also tend to get really sleepy when put in a dark place with booze and will more often than not just pass out and if I feel like sleeping through things I paid for, I'ma just go back to college.

Then when you're walking out and you have to listen to all these people and their  opinions? I care not for opinions other than my own. Everyone should watch this helpful guide to movie-going by Mastadon before being allowed entry into the cinema.


  1. I wich you J-Dilla. I too care not for Movie going, yet enjoy movies plenty. I also like to booze, plus it sucks when peopel are all yelling at the movie screen.
    He is going to walk down the hallway no matter how loud you scream. I know he betta don't but he did so shut the fuck up!

  2. i hate going to the movies. especially in the day? or when its light when you go in and dark when you come out?? no theeeeiannnks.

    plus i always have to buy that shitty popcorn. now that they have those flavor shakers i mind this less, however.