Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Complainy Bo Bainy

Know what people love doing? Complaining. And guess what, I love that shit too. My studies have shown that the facebooks and the Twitter are good places to find some serious complaints. Those status boxes get complaint-raped on a daily basis. Here's some of my favorite things to bitch about on the regs:

Brunch. man, if there's one thing I would never be, it's a brunch waiter. Dealing with a bunch of hungover people? YEAH RIGHT. Brunch is like prime time for complainers, when I'm hungover complaining is all I want to do, ever. It pretty much combines all the things I bum on (waiting, being thirsty, being hungry, people) when I have zero patience.

Weather. It's important to let other people know what temperature my body is or what I would like it to be at all times.

Work. Unless your work consists of discovering new dino bones or you officiate the Guinness Book of World Records, your job woes most likely interests me not. We all got 'em. Bosses suck. As do Mondays. Sa-nooze. But hey, Gandy just wrote me, "Ugh, two and a half more hours left" when only a half hour earlier I had said to Shanon, "Good god, is this day for real? 3 more hours." Whatreyagonnado.

Hungry. I think I would rather fight a ninja with one arm tied behind my back while on a tightrope over a pond stuffed with alligators than be around a hungry person, myself included. It's the worst. Once my best friend of twenty years almost broke up with me because I was hungry as fuck from running around the beach all day and our pizza got delivered to the wrong address. Shit got real.

Sleepy. My personal favorite. I'm always sleepy! Right now I am! And I'm gonna tell you allllll about it so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

The opposite sex. Can we just agree that we don't fucking get each other? Other than when I have the hangovers and all anyone wants is all the food, all the Gatorade, and all the sex, I have no idea what dudes are thinking and everyone knows chicks are nuts. So let's call it a draw and stop boring our friends and making Sex & The Cities about it already.



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