Thursday, June 10, 2010

Mom Hair

Oh, right. We have a blog! Been awhile, but it's Summertime and important things beckon, such as shooting blowdart guns, running through sprinklers, and sexting like teenagers.

Anywho, over Memorial Day weekend, Chris, Nicky & I were out in Long Island swimming around in the pool and I started thinking about a lady mystery I have yet to solve: Why don't Moms ever get their hair wet in the pool? Other than after a shower, I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my Mom's hair wet. We belonged to the community pool growing up and I remember me & my brother jumping off the diving board or Dad's shoulders and our Mom would be hanging out by the side with the other Moms doing that mom-kick thing, or kind of float around doing that breast-stroke/dog-paddle mom-swim whilst yelling "DON'T SPLASH ME!!" No tea parties, no underwater breath-holding contests, no fish out of water games. And chicken fights? Don't even ask.

I figured this was just some leftover shit from the fifties that women have no good reason to continue doing, like wear pantyhose or raise their children themselves, but then I saw what a friend from high school had posted as her status on facebook:

Great day with mom-mom and Uncle Mikey! Who I love, even though he just had to get my hair wet in the pool! ugh...

Chick's only been a Mom for like six months! Then check out her friend's (also a Mom) comment on it:

haha, we went to the pool today and i made sure not to get my hair wet as well :)

The fuck is going on here, is this some kind of conspiracy?? Everyone knows that when you become a Mom, you go a little crazy for some reason. I thought it might be the realization that pushing a bun out of your oven earned your ladyparts Hotdog Down Hallway status, but you know what, my brother and I were both c-sections and our Mom is still crazy as a loon so who knows.

What I DO know is that when I have a kid (c-section, I care not for hallway dogs) first thing I'ma do is hand it off to the nearest non-pedophile and run and do the biggest motherfucking cannonball you ever saw.

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