Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Bonerkiller of the Day

Toe rings. On anyone. Guy or girl. Man, woman, child. Yesterday, I passed by a dude sitting on a stoop smoking and sporting one of these on his flip-flopped feet. I went to make a note to myself to remember to write about my hatred of toe rings and found that I had already made one! I know me better than I know myself, sometimes. Now I am not squeamish about feet and I don't really give a shit about them, one way or another, but there is no reason I should be subjected to anyone's feet long enough that they feel the need to adorn it with jewelry and quite frankly, my fingers are fucking insulted. Next thing you know toes are gonna start getting the wrong idea about where their place is in the "big picture" and undo years of evolutionary progress.

But also, chicks wearing toe rings I in no way condone, but understand the logic behind it since we are dumb and like to bedazzle things and get hair extensions and shit, but a dude? All I am picturing is this guy getting ready to go out, looking at himself in the mirror, slipping on his toe ring and thinking to himself, "This. This right here is going to get me laid." Nodding and walking out the door.

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