Thursday, August 5, 2010

God I Hate Bananas

I woke up around 6am this morning in my underpants on Chris & Nicky's couch, clutching the back of my calf and screaming CHARLIE HORSE. It was the absolute worst. When those strike I never know whether to lay perfectly still or to stretch it or to rub it or just cry like a little bitch. Like sex, only with less crying.

But real talk, I hate charlie horses and remembered someone telling me they're caused by lack of potassium, so I decided to go out and get myself a potass-rich banana. Problem is, I fucking hate bananas. The taste makes me want to hurl everywhere and the consistency makes me shudder. I choked about half down and then left it on my desk until it turned brown. The only acceptable foods bananas are allowed in is ones where they're so blended or mashed that you cant taste them, like smoothies or bread. But bananas are sneaky and will turn up in all kinds of foods they have no place being and like to show up and ruin perfectly good candies such as Runts. Like raisins, I can't think of one thing bananas make better. Stay out of my ice cream, away from my pancakes, and back the fuck off my oatmeal. One charlie horse a day or one banana a day; this is my Sophie's Choice.

2 comments:

  1. God, I remember dad would make us eat a half banana and drink a glass of milk every morning. I don't mind bananas, but god, with milk they are repulsive. Also, Nanners make me nauseous on an empty stomach.

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  2. Here, here! finally someone who agrees!
    f- bananas.

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