Friday, September 24, 2010

Friday Mysteries

I am finding it extremely difficult to get any work done today. The harvest moon and 90 degree weather is probably to blame. Where I want to be is at the beach, or the Russian bath houses. Where I am is my desk, eating buttermilk ranch pretzels and thinking about the mysteries life offers:

Why does bonin' down make the hangover way more bearable? People claim that it's "exercise" and therefore you sweat out the alcohol, but I call bullshit on that theory, seeing as I do plenty of sweating whilst dancing and running from authority figures or ugly people, and my hangovers still make me want to jump in front of a bus sometimes. My theory is that you're just happy you caught some tail and most likely got your morning thrash on too so you feel pretty damn good about your day. Hmmm...

Can Wolverine get drunk? Or fucked up on any drug? He heals himself extremely quickly, you see, and although booze is my lifeblood, I guess technically your body is like what the shit are you doing to me where are my motor skills and why do I suddenly want to have sex with that fat one-eyed frat boy over there? So maybe he would only be able to get drunk for like five minutes at a time. And why isn't there superhero liquor? Wolverine's would be the strongest whiskey known to man. Storm's would be a Smirnoff Ice type bullshit. Storm sucks. Magneto's would be gin of some sort. Professor X would be some classy on the rocks, I-ain't-fuckin-around-shit. Gambit would be like Budweiser. Rogue's would be a suicide type deal, a bunch of other boozes all combined, or maybe it would be non-alcoholic since Rogue can't get busy so beer goggles would be an issue. Boy did Rogue get the short end of that stick! Who would get tequila I wonder....Hmmm...

Are people on the train who play their music from their devices without headphones fucking serious? I will never understand this. Never know if they're just being assholes, are too poor to afford headphones, or just really think that everyone else wants to hear their terrible music. It's never anything good either, always terrible gangsta rap. Which is maybe why these dudes get away with it, because everyone else on the train is too scared of getting shanked to say anything. Hmmm...

What muppet would I be if I were a muppet? Well this little riddle has eaten up the past 45 minutes of my day. And although I am still not sold on an answer, this is totally Shanon, amiright?

Ehh who am I kidding. This is us both.

1 comment:

  1. this post made me realize that its been far too long since we've hung out. kudos.