Monday, September 13, 2010

Things I Never Want To Do Again

Annnnd we're....back? I am. A little. I dun know what Shanon's been doing. Oh wait yes I do, going to Russian bath houses and getting drunk with me, when she's not too busy sending texts saying things like "Totes. Annie Lennox dude, Annie Lennox" or repeatedly accusing me of stealing her Point Break DVD. But yes, Summer is done and now it is Fall and back to work and I'm not too stoked, but my liver probably sees Fall time as a life raft in the booze tsunami that is Summer. I'll show him.
Being back at real work instead of dick-around Summer "work" can suck one (a dong) and so instead I will think about other things I don't ever want to do again. There are many, but here's today's:

Pick up dog shit. Or any animal shit for that matter. I don't even own a dog and I never want to do this again. It always makes me think of this joke they made on Seinfield, where if aliens invaded earth they would think dogs ruled the planet because we're walking around after them picking up their poop.

Speaking of, pooping is something I could do without. What a hassle! Once, my ex-boif asked me two questions, one of which was "Do you enjoy pooping?" to which I responded No, because frankly, I can think of many other things to better occupy my time with, such as drugs or playing S'Catch, and I forget what the other question was but the deal was that these were questions asked in tests by psychologists and if you answered No to them it meant you were a psychopath. In that case color me cray because although I get why it's "necessary," releasing the brown hounds interests me not.

A virgin. I have only swiped one dude's V card (that I am aware of) and that was back in high school and as much as I had no idea what I was doing, dude had even less. Shanon likes to toe the barely-legal line, but I am trying to break her of that habit and mayhaps it's working, seeing as the dudes we last made out with both happen to be 36. How quickly the tables of cougaring turn.

Pay taxes. Actually maybe this one should just be "Math." There's a lot of that in taxes, which I am not so into. Plus when I do taxes it makes me evaluate all the things I spend my money on that I clearly do not need. And the ones I clearly do (see S'Catch paddles).

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