Wednesday, October 20, 2010

They DO Exist

Yes, yes, we're terrible at blogging. But you can stuff your sorrys in a sack, here are some things I was thinking about recently and am amazed still exist.

Flowbee. Chris suggested I pick myself up one of these, after I complained about needing a haircut from someone other than myself. As a joke, I thought maybe I'd surprise him with one, figuring it would be funny and about $5 on eBay. Umm, hell naw, they are apparently a Benjamin or more. Which seems a bit pricey, considering Flowbee's target market is people who cut their children's hair in the kitchen with the help of a mixing bowl (my Mom totes did this) but I guess it's like when I buy magnums of Jameson or a house-boy; that shit will pay for itself in no time.

Handy Stitch. One day, it was cold & snowy in the East Village where Nicky & I were watching TV on the couch when all a sudden an infomercial for the Handy Stitch came on. I looked at Nicky and said "Hand me your credit card." And she did! (Thank you, pot) Which led to maybe one of the worst purchases we've ever made. That crappy thing didn't never work once and not for lack of trying since every single person that walked in our door took a stab at it, but in hindsight, it did lead to lots of entertaining attempts. We didn't have a damn thing to sew anyway, but what a convincing commercial. Think I still owe Nicky ten bones.

Chia Pets. Actually, I am glad Chia Pets are still around, since I have yet to have one to call my own. It's all good though, because I am no good at plant-tending and kill most green things I adopt. In fact, I found an interesting note I wrote to myself that says, "Parenting is like gardening and that's why I don't have a green thumb." I have no idea what I was talking about, but at the time I remember laughing really hard about it. Then there was another note underneath it that said: "Last night, Shanon was trying to flag a truck that was parked and not moving, thinking it was a cab. I said, 'I'm not sure what you're trying to do right now' and she responded, "Can you just get me a hot dog."

Uggs. Every single Fall I think to myself, "This is it. This is the year that people will finally realize how ridiculous Uggs look and will stop putting them on their feet." And then I will be on my way to work on a 60 degree morning and be waiting at the corner for the light to change, look over and see a cute chick with a terrible hideous pair of Uggs growing out of her calves, like what happened yesterday. These were sweater-covered Uggs, which I had until then been blissfully unaware existed. Having big feet myself, I cant grasp how someone would want to bypass all the good-looking boots available for purchase and opt for shoes that are more suited for chubby retarded Inuit children. This is like a slap in the face to my and my big-footed brethren. Is there an Uggs groundhog somewhere I don't know about and did he see his shadow again this season or something? Six more months of Uggs, what the fuck.

Grilled Cheese Makers. Bought one of these for Cara for her birthday last year (from a dollar store thankyouverymuch) and I think she has yet to use it, but I personally find these things amazing. Especially if you are rich in laziness and poor in cooking skills, as I am.

Toaster Strudels. Actually, I'm lumping Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal into this category too because my Dad still eats the hell outta botha these for breakfast every morning.

Totes Toasties. This one can be filed under why the hell aren't they around anymore?? I am a notorious sock hater and I loved these jams. I escaped many a beatdown from my brother thanks to the genius half-slipper half-sock hybrids I was wearing at the time while running over linoleum and was wishing I had a pair the other night when my kitchen floor attempted to murder me whilst I ran through in stocking feet.

1 comment:

  1. I'm going to bring a sock mace to FL just to beat you with. And no Totes Toasties will save you.