Shanon called me high maintenance yesterday, because I told her I'd only go to her soiree if Gandy was going too. I then informed her that it is she who is the HM one, not me. This turned into a Festivus celebration and we decided to air our grievances with each other so here goes:
1. Says "hyperbolic" too much. We get it, Shanon, YOU KNOW BIG WORDS. Find a new one.
2. Has ruined muffins for me and is trying to ruin Cliff bars too. She told me that muffins were fat people food and now I get sad and feel like I'm eating my emotions when I have one. The other day I got a free box of Cliff bars and said I was psyched and Shanon said she used to eat them until her boss saw her and said they are loaded with carbs and that's what he eats before a long ass bike race. I eat them in preparation of sitting at my desk all day. Great.
3. Hmm I'm not sure that I actually know anybody with less tact. One time I introduced her to a friend of mine and the first thing Shanon said to her was "Did you used to be a man?" (The answer was no.)
4. Hates all dudes I date. Even the ones she never met. She also acts like a huge bitch to my exes, which actually can be highly entertaining. Until I inevitably fall off the wagon and get with them, at which point the reset button gets hit and the journey begins again.
5. Claims to go "take a nap" when we all know that is code for boning down. You're fooling no one, Shanon. No one.
6. Too many toes.
7. Okay, I am running out of steam here. My brain hurts.
I would also like to set the record straight on a few items in her post:
3. It was Sprite, not water.
7. Left them at my house, therefore became my property. Putting them in a spot where you can't see them when you come over is not "stealing," btw.
8. You're a jerk.
9. You forgot Gandy, who is only a snooze when he is sleeping.