Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Things I Do And Probs Shouldn't

-Eat food off the floor. I heard on the Tyra show somewhere that the "five second rule" doesn't actually exist and that if you drop anything on the floor you really just shouldn't eat it at all. But what if it's your very last Dorito? Or a Momofuku cookie? Have you HAD them?? I would maybe trade my first child for one, because there would certainly be a lot less crying in my life. What I'm saying is, hasn't killed me yet, so I can only assume it's making me strong as an ox..

-Re-wear socks. And most clothing, for that matter. Laundry, what a bitch and a giant waste of my time. In my personal opine, so long as it doesn't smell, I say re-wear it until you get to work and then notice there is a weird food spot on it and you have to all pretend to your co-workers like you did it at breakfast and you're just a messy eater. Which fools no one, btw.

-Speaking of, I also wore a pair of underpants that came back in the wash that upon closer inspection later in the day, were def not mine. I mean, now they are, since any damage was clearly already done, but I also thought to myself "no biggie." I'm pretty sure the Asian leprechauns who wash my clothes leave everything in the dryer for at least 14 hours because it all comes back two sizes smaller, therefore sufficiently killing any and all hitchhiking germs. I did, however, throw out the jockstrap that came back with my laundry one time. And started tipping them better.

-Sext. Can't stop, won't stop.

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