Monday, December 20, 2010

A Tale of Woe

I was in LA this past weekend for a work event. It was raining and shitty the whole time but aside from that I'd describe my overall trip as "weird." I had a very bad weed experience on Friday that I've decided to tell in full. (The rest of the trip was rad and I'll talk about it later).

Here goes!

I flew in Friday and after doing a bit of work decided I need to get my medical weed on. I don't have one of those magic cards but my buddy's friend works at a dispensary so we got her to grab a few things and bring them to me. I prefer eating my weed so bought two lollipops and two boxes of truffles. The truffles come 2 for $5. The weed store employee told me to eat one, then wait an hour and eat the other. She said after that I'd be feeling juuuust fine.

First lesson learned - do not take advice from someone who works at a dispensary and is a bigger stoner than you will ever be. OR! Listen to her advice and then cut it by 75%. I should've eaten only half of one truffle, but instead I ate TWO.

The first one I took over pizza dinner. We stumbled into what I can only guess was the Berrics holiday party. I was all glassy eyed from starring at all the famous skaters. So many! Maybe that's what lulled me into a false sense of security because I promptly ate the other truffle after we left.

The event was at a venue that probably wasn't legal and made me question my life choices even before the weed fully kicked in. Remember what it was like going to all-ages hardcore shows? Exactly. Drunk teenagers starting fights.

Second lesson learned - do not get super blazed and go to a work event that includes a mess of wasted kids.

By the time the main band came on I was TRIPPING. And I mean like straight up hallucinating. Everyone's heads got real big and the music slowed and it was all womp womp womp in my field of vision. I was standing in the back and literally couldn't move because my legs were being non-responsive. Then I had to talk myself off a panic attack ledge. "Don't worry, you're just peeking, it'll be over in 10 minutes, stay calm." Have you ever had to tell yourself that? HAVE YOU?!

After I came down from that fun experience I proceeded to get the worst cotton mouth of my life. I kept mumbling, "need water," over and over. Sounded like a crazy person. My friend Arlie (hi if you're reading this Arlie!) asked me if I was alright. "You seem very thoughtful," he incorrectly guessed. When I explained how stoned I was he said, "Ah, so you're actually the opposite of thoughtful." Bingo.

After that whenever he ran into a friend he felt obligated to introduce me as his "really high friend Shanon, oh by the way who's running the event, and who's so high she's acting like a sphinx." He called me a sphinx for the rest of the night, which I guess is ok considering all the other options that come to mind.

It was a freaky deaky evening and I was still stoned all Saturday. But I made it! Glad to be alive. So to summarize I hope to never be that stoned ever again in my entire life. But Thee Oh Sees performed and they were fantastic. John Dwyer's a genius. I might still be stoned.

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