Friday, January 7, 2011

Rezzolutions

I never really get behind new years resolutions, because if I feel changes need to be made, I just go balls out instead of weinering around until January 1st. Who am I kidding, I change for no one. But hey, swing for the fences, amiright? Here goes:

1. Don't eat so many cookies. If I had to put a number on the amount of cookies I ate in December, it would be in the 50-70 range and I don't need a Chinaman with an abacus to tell me that's about 40 too many. 2011 is all about no, or significantly fewer, cookies. And so far so good. Excluding the two I ate when our car broke down in the Adirondack mountains, which I am not counting because who knows what the fuck year it is there. My guess is 1978.

2. Refer to more people as; "babe" "chief" and "captain."

3. Not be so hard on people. Have I canceled a first date cause the dude texted me "LOL" before we went out? Who hasn't, but this year is all about giving people a chance. Which I genuinely attempted last night, right up until I asked the hot dude I was chatting with why he was dressed so fancy and he replied, "Because I truly think in my last life I was an assassin from the sixties." Sigh.

4. Never go to the bathroom with a coat on. Taking a page out of Chris's handbook on this one, after he said "Know what's the worst? Taking a poop with your coat on." And I couldn't agree more, except  having to sit down to pee equals twice the coat/bathroom dilemmas and I will stand for none of it. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

5. Repair things more. Maintenance is not my strong suit, but that was 2010 Jenny. In fact, after work today I am going to buy; a battery for my smoke alarm, glue for my shoes, and a lid for the toilet since the old one jumped ship about six months ago. No catching fire or hobo shoes for me. Sittin' pretty.

6. Not give a shit. 2010 = gave a shit. 2011 = no shits for no one. "People' and their "drama"? Not on my watch. I was gonna make this resolution Be Less of A Jerk, but that seemed très ambitious. Instead I'm just not gonna give one gahd damn. Yeah.

7. Wear slippers more.

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