Friday, January 28, 2011

Traumatizing Food Related Occurrences

This whole raisin and butthole kick got me thinking of food related traumedies I had as a child. Allow me walk you through them.

Chinese food - The first time I ever ate chinese food was at this place called China Palace in SF (doesn't exist anymore). It was all purple on the outside and the decor kind of freaked young Shannie out. I went with my mom and her friend and they were all trying to get me stoked on weird food I'd never eaten before. They asked me if I wanted pot stickers and I was enthusiastically gung ho for it. Imagine little Shanon's anger upon getting the food and realizing it was NOT, in fact, a pot full of cool stickers. Fuck you Chinese food.

Cherries - The first time my mom ever gave me these she brought me two bowls. I had no idea what she was smoking. Two bowls? Who needs that. I ate all the cherries and they were delicious. When my mom came back and asked where the pits were I was confused. Pits? So yeah, that's what the spare bowl was for. Try pooping out a dozen little pellets and see how much you like it.

Constipation - This isn't food related, per se, but I guess I wasn't eating enough fiber the first time I was ever constipated. I was sitting on the toilet for well over half an hour when I finally freaked out and screamed for my mom. "It won't come out! What's wrong with me, it hurts!" was what I said. She rolled her eyes, told me I was constipated and to get over it. Thanks, Mom.

Sharing - I'm an only child and fuck you if you wanted something young me was eating. One time my mom's friend came over when I was eating some strawberries. She asked for one and I said no. Then my mom told me I better give her some or else. That's when I made a break for it and locked myself in the bathroom ...with the strawberries. I was crying hysterically while eating them. Very confusing emotions for a little girl. That's probably why I eat my feelings sometimes (not gonna lie I had two breakfasts this morning).

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