Friday, February 4, 2011

Serious Bummers

Did I once make a hilarious That's What She Said joke in the middle of a fight with a boyfriend about how I don't take things seriously enough? Yes and I'd do it again, but some people are way too serious about shit all the time. Like these dudes.

-Vegans. If anyone has their panties in a perma-bunch, it's vegans. And I think maybe it's because cheese is right up there after sex & booze as best things ever and they're bitter about not being able to eat, much like I would be.  And I don't blame them, being a vegan aint easy, if I don't eat cheese for one day I am pretty damn impressed with myself. Cheese is so good that my lactose-intolerant friends risk shitting their pants and being bloated for a week for it. Hence vegans being uptight about any and all things.

-Serious cyclists. I love my bike. It takes me places, it is fun and most times the only exercise I get. I ride at a reasonable pace but sometimes I like to cruise around slow and stoney baloney style and serious bikers (you can tell who they are by their head to toe spandex) really dislike this. I know because they yell shit at me like "ride single file!" or "that was a STOP sign!" and "don't ride drunk!"
and if we were on the Tour De France, sure, but riding on the West Side Highway on a Sunday, not so much, bud.

-Professional dancers. Well, maybe not strippers. I don't imagine they take themselves very seriously at all. But I can see ballerinas and modern dancers being some serious folk. Have you seen "Black Swan?" Me neither, but I did see "Dirty Dancing" and nobody puts baby in the fucking corner.

-People way into yoga. They always think they're better than me and are usually same people who say "my body is a temple." But people who take yoga too seriously tend to lean towards the crazy side. If I'm aspiring to be any kind of Yogi, you can be damn sure it's the kind that steals picnic lunches and rolls with a sidekick named Boo Boo.

-Serious DJ's. Um, everyone and their Mom is a fucking DJ nowadays (minus my Mom, she can only sometimes operate the CD player in her car) and thanks to the internets, every song is available to everyone, always. So play some gahdamn Genesis and get over yourself.

-People way into their cars. Sure, cars are nice and expensive and useful sometimes, but don't get all bent out of shape if I want to eat Taco Bell in your car or accidentally spill my Slurpee, that's what cars are for; drive thrus and 7-11 trips! And I enjoy riding through the carwash as much as the next person, but as for obsessively cleaning and waxing your whip, get over it, it's just gonna get dirty again. The only car I will be impressed by is a limo and that's mostly because I have yet to get busy in one and I'm almost 30 and a life without goals is just not worth living.


  1. Re: Yoga people - go read this: