Normally I don’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day (regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or not), but this one is really beginning to piss me off. First of all, I’m on my way to Las Vegas after just getting over the flu. Yesterday was a big enough day for me already – after 4 days of hanging out on the verge of death in the same sweat pants and nasty shirt, I finally took a shower and went for a walk.
And the fact that I’m currently on my way to a city I loathe... I dunno, it just seems cruel. Las Vegas blows! And knowing me I’m going to be forced by clients to do all sorts of drugs and hang out with strippers then go home with the bubonic plague.
But the point of my story is that RIGHT NOW (you’ll probably read this after the fact) there is a nasty ass couple sitting next to me on the plane practically having sex with one another. This woman with drawn-on eyebrows is full on grabbing this old bald guys dick with her fake press on nails.
Oh, and this was after I was on the L train earlier and some mexi-teens were all PDA and the girl was holding a rose and a gift bag from Victoria’s Secret. What 16 year-old buys his girlfriend panties!!
But I'm not joking when I say this couple is going to haunt my dreams. I read an entire book on the flight just to have something else to think about (and between you and me, "Never Let Me Go" is a real zzzzzz fest). I am officially traumatized.