Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The BSC: Where Are They Now

I should probably preface this post by saying this will only be interesting to chicks, specifically, literate chicks around my age that read the Babysitter's Club Books as a pre-teen. I had a very love/hate relationship with these books. One of those things where I remember thinking this series is dumb, what a mess of losers these girls are, but I think I was really just super jealous because why didn't any of my neighbors want to give me monies to watch their kids, wtf. Then I remembered that it's most likely because I find babies terrifying and was usually out riding my bike and throwing bomber-snaps instead. Things have really...changed in the past twenty years, huh.

That being said, like any other 90's girl-child, I read the shit outta these books. I was a bit of a troublemaker back in those days and therefore got punished (grounded) a lot. When my other best friend (TV) would get banned via punishment as well, I turned to books (cause what parent is gonna risk their kid telling the teacher that her parents banned "reading" at home) so sometimes these bitches were my only friends. This post was meant to be a Where Are They Now dealy, but then I discovered it's way more fun to imagine what 90's movie characters they would have grown up to be instead. Did shit just get meta? Shit got meta. Or maybe I'm just lazy, either way.

Kristy Thomas. Always focused on work? No time for boys? Favors unflattering turtlenecks, baseball caps, mom-jeans and blazers? Sounds a little like someone else I know- Clarice Starling from "Silence of the Lambs." Daddy abandoned her? Broke up with only boif (Bart) she ever had cuz she couldn't return his feelings? Coaches a softball team? Til you are honest with yourself, Kristy, them lambs aint never gonna stop screamin, girl.

Claudia Kishi. Cassandra, "Wayne's World." ZANG.

Mary Anne Spier. I briefly debated Neve Campbell's character in "Scream" for Mary, but she feels less screamy and a little more sadly broken. Enter "Reality Bites" Lelaina Pierce. Of course you pretend you wanna nail the uptight ad exec when everyone knows you're really just waiting for Ethan Hawke to slip you his grungy pickle. It's probably wearing a little flannel and listening to Nirvana and hanging out in a coffee shop too. Waiting for band practice to start. Wait, what was I talking about? Someone pass me that Coke can pipe.

Stacey McGill. Obviously, Diabetes McGee grew up and turned into Sue Ellen Crandell in "Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitter's Dead." I'm sorry guys, but I need a minute to toot my own horn here. Can I just toot my own horn for a minute because I'm hitting these out of the park. Toot toot.

Dawn Schafer. Yeah Dawn, we get it, you love California and want to live on a farm and smoke pot like a dirty hippie. Or! Do you want to usher in the seventies by railing lines and contemplating suicide, due to repressed feeling about getting molested as a child by your father.* Eh, six of one, half dozen of the other, what I'm saying is, take a look in the Jenny from "Forrest Gump" mirror, Dawn. A good, long look.

Mallory Pike. This may have more to do with the red hair than anything else, but I'm gonna go with Thelma from "Thelma & Louise" for old Mal Pal. Or it might be that the Pike family had 8 kids in it and having 7 brothers and sisters would make me want to drive my ride over a cliff too.

Jessi Ramsey. She was the "ballerina" of the group and I know it's not a movie but for the life of me all I can do is picture her as the junkie dancer in this 90's anti-drug commercial. And if you don't remember this from your youth, here's a warning: It gets real.

*Can we petition Ann M. Martin to rename this series "The Daddy Issues Club" because, come on.

1 comment:

  1. dude, well played but can we also talk about the end of the drug commercial, that nurse/dead dude on the ground part? they definitely cut that from the one that ran on tv bc if they hadn't my momma would not have let me watch anti-drug commercials deeming them to scary.